I want to talk to my crush, I want to get to know him. It hurts me that we make eye contact every time we see each other, he smiles at me, and that I don’t have the courage to talk to him. It also hurts that the last time I saw him was in beginning of October. My heart melts when he smiles. I don’t know why, but I just crave for him, I’ve never had a crush on any other guy like this before… And I think is more than a crush because it’s been over 4 months and he’s still in my mind. I just hope and wish one day I can introduce myself to him..
You know what I miss? When people in your life made an effort to communicate with you in person rather than via text. I miss when friends would randomly knock on your door and surprise you. I wish I could take walks with my sister, my parents and friends and just enjoy the nature. You know what also sucks? That in this generation, with just a text or a message on Facebook, someone can immediately leave your life whereas back in the days people would meet you in person and try to solve a problem. People are so damn fucking lazy when it comes to the relationships they have in their lives. We use technology to do everything for us, including ending friendships. Nowadays no friend would ever show up at your door crying and asking to fix your friendship. I wish people could just try a little harder to spend time with their loved ones.
that moment when you finally see your crush after 4 months of summer! I thought I would never see him again. He smiled back at me.. i still can’t believe I still like this guy. #can’tstopsmilng
okay. maybe I’m on the verge of breaking down and crying, but I can’t. I have to suck it up and do my paper. But I could use a really long hug :(
Laying in bed and listening to music,wishing that someone could lay beside me and enjoy the music
Tonight is one of those nights where I just want to cuddle with a hot guy and watch a movie :(
I feel like the ones who we love and care about don’t love us as much. They don’t value the love we have for them, and take advantage of us. And as much as we try to think otherwise, they will always be blinded of our love and efforts.
There are days where you feel extremely confident about yourself and there are days where you just completely hate everything about you. Since September, I have somehow managed to not hate myself and actually appreciate my efforts. I won’t lie about how the pressure of university gets to me, and lowers my confidence, but I have been trying to stay strong. I tell myself that I cannot let myself down and hate myself during this time period, especially during midterms. The thing about living alone and going to university is that you need to learn how to pick yourself up and be happy even when you are swamped with school work. You just have to take a long, deep breath and tell yourself that it will all work out in the end, because at the end of the day you do get by and everything does work out. And I have realized there is always something good in everyday. It is completely useless to complain about school and the stress. This month I am trying to just “keep calm and carry on”. I get my work done, get enough sleep, eat, treat myself to TV shows and spend time with my friends. Adults don’t know how hard it is to be a student, especially with many societal expectations they put on us. To all other students out there, instead of talking about your stress, just breathe, smile, and take it easy. Go with the flow, and just try to enjoy the beauty in everyday while you work hard. Help your friends who are having a hard time getting by in school, and tell them how much you believe in them. By doing this, you’re not only motivating your friend, but you’re also giving yourself advice. To all my friends and to my sister, I believe that you can achieve whatever you want if you believe in yourself. Always have positive thoughts, and trust that you can ace your exams and receive great marks. When you think positively, you will see positive outcomes, I promise. It is always good to be confident, but I wouldn’t be over-confident. You should have a little fear in order to motivate you and challenge you. I believe that all of us are going to achieve great things, and obviously we will fall sometimes, but just pick yourself up and get back in the game! <3
I watch romance movies and I get jealous of the couples who share the most amazing love. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. I say hopeless, because I know I will never find true romance in this generation. I have always craved the “all-consuming love” that drives me crazy and, I still do. What I don’t understand is how some people give up and settle for someone who they do not deserve and who doesn’t treat them like the most important in the world. I can never settle for love because I know my worth and I want someone who sees me for who I truly am. I don’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t bother to get to know what I love to read, or what music I listen to on a rainy day. A guy who can seduce my mind is a guy I want to fall in love with. I believe in love that begins with deep conversations where you truly get to know each other and fall in love with the way the person talks about a topic they are passionate about. I want to fall in love with their soul and mind. Of course, I want the physical attraction, but falling in love with someone is not about how amazing the chemistry is, it is about how both souls fit together, perfectly. I talk about how much I admire love, yet I am so pessimistic when it comes to finding love. I think that’s because I’ve been heartbroken before. Although I have my insecurities and I’m not perfect, I am truly growing to love myself. I’ve come to learn that I am worth so much more than just my body. I am ready to love someone and give them the world. I want to fall in love with their smile, the way they eat their favourite food, and just every little thing about them. I don’t care if I am 30 years old and still cannot find true love, because I’d rather be single than be with someone who truly doesn’t know my worth. So I guess you can say I’m not completely hopeless when it comes to love. I do still have a teaspoon of hope that someone is out there for me, and I am in no rush to find them. For now, I am going to focus on becoming a better me and enjoy my 20’s being a free, single bird. I remember someone saying “love should never be rushed” and I agree. The person who are you meant to be with will come to you when the timing is perfect.
One of the best feelings in the world is coming back from a long day of classes, changing into pjs and jumping onto your bed!
I was very happy with this finale until the end. Where shall I start?
I was very satisfied when Meredith and Shepherd’s baby was delivered. When Meredith saw her baby, her face lit and I can say that I’ve never seen her face that happy before. She was so happy, she started crying, and she made me cry. But then when she had a problem in her abdomen, I freaked out! I was on the edge of my seat while Meredith was telling Ross what to do. It was very interesting to see that she was still a mentor to her intern while being the patient. I also liked the scene where Shepherd was holding Zola, and Meredith was holding their newborn baby. The scene captured their happiness.
I am glad that April expressed her true feelings for Avery. It was like she couldn’t hold it in anymore, especially after seeing him almost die.
On the other hand, I was not a big fan of the intern who Alex liked, but when she started teaching the parents how to bag their kids, I had a new respect for her. And the way Alex said I love you to her was cute. Their kiss was perfect; the two went through a lot and to finally see them be together was nice.
Arizona and Cali. I really love those two, they are my favourite couple, but when Arizona and the new hot doctor started kissing I couldn’t resist the idea of the two being together. I think they would be really cute together, but when Cali saw Arizona’s ring pinned on to the doctor’s scrub, I freaked out! Cali’s face shattered into a million pieces, and I could feel her pain.
Finally, It was nice to see Bailey operating again. I loved the scene where she came out of the OR to tell Christina and Shepherd about the surgery. I also really enjoyed watching Shepherd hug Bailey in happiness for saving his wife’s life.
Oh, and Richard. Richard is one of my favourite characters. He is a mentor, a father to all the doctors, and so so helpful. You can especially see that he is a good person in this episode. When he told Yang to listen to the heartbeat, I started smiling, because I could see that he always does bring out the best in people. He knows that every doctor has it in them to shine, and he helps them bring out the bright. So what I HATE is that Shonda shows us what an awesome person he is, and then at the end, lets him go to the electric room and shock himself. IS HE DEAD? HE BETTER NOT BE DEAD, HE IS IMPORTANT, HE IS ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS, AND I DON’T WANT HIM DEAD.
Shonda Rhimes always pisses me off in the finales of her seasons. Maybe she’s in love with death, if that’s the case, she should go off and kill an irrelevant character. JEEEEEZZZZZ.
Once the new year began, I thought to myself that this monster inside of me would disappear, and it did. Maybe it disappeared because I was to busy focusing on school, and busy making time for friends. But no, the truth is that I just hid the monster deep down inside of me. Until now, I thought I had escaped the negativity and the melancholy of this monster. Now school is over, and I’m back home, with all this free time on my hands. I should’ve known that with nothing to do, the monster would come rushing back to me. And it has.
I can’t help myself but worry, worry and worry. I worry about many things. But the main thing I worry about is the future, and what I will do after graduation. Now that I’m looking for a summer job, I’m terrified that I will become a failure after I graduate university. I’m scared that I won’t be able to pay off my student loans. If I can’t even find a job for the summer, how do I know if there any hope for a job after graduation? I feel like I need to meet up to these expectations set out by society. This is how it goes: graduate high school, go to university, graduate university, complete masters, earm a high income job, get married, have kids, and live a happy life! Well it’s not that fucking simple! Jeez. The sad part is that I conform to these societal norms, and I wish I could not, but because of my family, and the expectations from parents, I have no other choice. I worry too much, that I’m scared I will die from the overwhelming thoughts in my head. I worry I will become a failure, and that my parents won’t be proud of me. I worry that I won’t be able to find a job that I truly love and enjoy doing. I worry that I will be stuck in McDonald’s for my entire life.
See, this is the monster. The monster brings negativity, and it consumes me. I can’t think positive about the future anymore. I think this monster will always be inside of me, it can never go away because that’s who I am; a pessimistic person. I may be positive for a while, but that’s all bullshit. For fuck sakes, happiness is so damn hard to achieve. Maybe if I keep myself busy, then the monster will disappear temporarily.
I just want to hug someone and let out a huge cry, and tell them how I feel. But I can’t because my negative thoughts, and my worries are not important, especially compared to what my friends are going through or anyone else. I must be there for my friends now, help them out with whatever they’re going through. They don’t need to know that I’m dealing with a devilish monster in my mind. What I’ll try to do is deal with my worries alone, maybe even try to kill the monster, and find happiness. I just feel like If I rant about these stupid thoughts to someone, I’m being selfish, and stupid. So that is why I decided to write out everything I’m feeling, and thinking. I’m sorry if you’re reading this, and I have ruined your mood. Sorry, I just need to let out my thoughts somewhere. This monster is killing me, and I need to escape from it. I should continue reading books, watching TV shows, and working to escape from the scary monster.
The monster is back, and I’m currently trying to run away from it.
One reason i dislike summer vacation, is because i have all this free time to continue worrying and thinking about random things. There are so many thoughts running through my head, and I just want them to stop. What I need is to run through a dark forest, run as fast as I can, then abruptly stop and lay down on the ground and cry.
I’ve been feeling down for a couple of day, but that’s okay. I usually learn to pick myself up without anyone’s help, and that’s what matters. This weekend ill finish my last essay of 2nd year university and give myself a high five, and maybe buy a cupcake! :)